Ruth McIlroy’s ‘Just Idiot Talk’

Just Idiot Talk
Ruth McIlroy
“Hey, Sassenach! Ye gie me the boak,
Yir patter stinks; youse’ll get it noo,
Ye cannae say a’thing, ya muckle-face numpty”.
But, ya wee keelie, I’ll jist dae it efter.
Missed yersel’ there now, eh no, hen?
Ken, this’s barry, nae tother a ball.
Just Idiot Talk
Just an idiolect consciously employed to gain acceptance from a dominant social group
Excuse me, English person
ye gie me the boak
you make me feel nauseous
Yir patter stinks
your way of presenting yourself to the world is fundamentally flawed
youse’ll get it noo
you (singular or plural) are about to experience retribution
ye cannae say a’thing
I would advise you not to answer me back
ya muckle-face numpty
you ill-favoured person of limited common sense
But, ya wee keelie
But, you young person from a challenging home environment
I’ll jist dae it efter
I’ll just do it later
Missed yersel’ there now
you didn’t see that one coming
eh no, hen?
did you, my friend/acquaintance
ken, this’s barry
you know something, I feel a lot better
nae tother a ball
no bother at all
© Ruth McIlroy 2009

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