Ruth McIlroy’s ‘Just Idiot Talk’

Just Idiot Talk
Ruth McIlroy
   
“Hey, Sassenach! Ye gie me the boak,
Yir patter stinks; youse’ll get it noo,
Ye cannae say a’thing, ya muckle-face numpty”.
   
But, ya wee keelie, I’ll jist dae it efter.
Missed yersel’ there now, eh no, hen?
Ken, this’s barry, nae tother a ball.
  
  
Glossary
   
Just Idiot Talk
Just an idiolect consciously employed to gain acceptance from a dominant social group
    
Hey,Sassenach
Excuse me, English person
   
ye gie me the boak
you make me feel nauseous
   
Yir patter stinks
your way of presenting yourself to the world is fundamentally flawed
   
youse’ll get it noo
you (singular or plural) are about to experience retribution
   
ye cannae say a’thing
I would advise you not to answer me back
  
ya muckle-face numpty
you ill-favoured person of limited common sense
  
But, ya wee keelie
But, you young person from a challenging home environment
  
I’ll jist dae it efter
I’ll just do it later
  
Missed yersel’ there now
you didn’t see that one coming
  
eh no, hen?
did you, my friend/acquaintance
  
ken, this’s barry
you know something, I feel a lot better
  
nae tother a ball
no bother at all
   
   
© Ruth McIlroy 2009

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